>LATEST MATCH REPORT: MENS 4TH XI
Walton & Weybridge Hawks vs. Wanderers 4s - 16th January 2010
Wanderers 4s vs. Richmond Griffins - 23rd January 2010
Old Georgians 3s vs. Wanderers 4s - 13th February 2010
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Hello and welcome to a special edition of Hat-trick of the Day. We’ve got a host of exciting clashes from Surrey Division Two to whet your hockey appetite this evening, whilst joining me in the studio are our dynamic duo, Tom Stanbury and Ben Moss.
Our first game takes us to lack-of-Sunbury, where a Wanderers side eager to make hay in the second half of the season take on Walton & Weybridge team looking to chase down Sanderstead at the top of the table. Commentary comes from Matt Blackmore-Squires.
“Good afternoon and welcome to wet and wintry Sunbury. It’s a dangerous Hawks team that lines up today against the Wanderers, the lads up front are so…sooo…soooo quick. In the time it’s taken me to recover from the post-coital sense of climax their speed has given me, its already 4-1 to Hawks, Dan’s consolation goal wiped away with more dexterity than a tramp with a jazz mag and pack of funsize Kleenex. But wait, MacCoille goes down in the area, penalty flick to Wanderer’s. Who’ll take it? They’ve not had one since that fabled game against Merton 5s in 1973. Wilson’s the only one who’s got balls big enough; decent track record too. Oh no! Stunning, one in a million save by the goal-keeper, flinging himself an inch down to his right. That should by no means tarnish Wilson’s record from the spot, sometimes you’ve just got to applaud good goal-keeping. Good Lord that Hawks striker is quick…he’s scored another 2 goals already. That’s the final whistle too. It ends Walton & Weybridge Hawks 6, Wanderers 1.”
Ben Moss, what did you think of some of the defending in that game?
Ben: “Well Chris, if we freeze it here in the midfield, you can see there that Stanbury is too far off his man; he needs to be closer to give him less time on the ball and try and cut the play through the middle off”.
Tom: “I have to say I disagree there Ben. If I get too close he’ll get turned too easily and we’ll be caught on the break anyway”.
Ben: “It’s a technical point Tom, but I think you’ll find it’s in every basic coaching manual”.
Ok well thanks guys but you’ve been talking about it for ten minutes and it’s time to move on. If you ask me we lost because of the six goals we conceded. Our next game takes us to Kennington Park, and a crucial bottom of the table clash where a Wanderers team looking to keep up their unbeaten start to the year takes on local rivals South Africa a.k.a. Richmond Griffins. Commentary comes from
“Thanks Chris, we’re here at Fortress Kennington for the visit of Rich’burg. Bright start from Wanderer’s early doors, they’ve got an undefeated record to protect after all. 1-0 – Aherne. Textbook, I don’t even need to describe it. And 2-0, Wanderers swinging it round with aplomb and the unfortunately nicknames Chris the Miss with the classic 2 yard tap in. Half time and cruising. Cue much talk of the need to keep it up and carry on playing like we have done. Second half now underway. Mossy seems to have fallen over for no particular reason. That might have been another game but to be honest it was a while ago and they all tend to blur together for me. South Africa coming back strongly now and Wanderers have stopped playing, 2-0 becomes 2-1 and then 2-2. Short at the end to win it for Richmandela, will it be a repeat of the first match? Not this time – the ball hitting the post and rebounding to safety. Gutting. But hey, at least Wanderers are still unbeaten for the start of the season.”
Our final game takes us back to Weybridge to St. George’s School, and a mouth-watering six-pointer between bottom of the table Old Georgians, and second-bottom Wanderers. Commentary comes from Conall MacCoille.
“Roight we’re at some Catholic school in the middle of nowhere. Wanderers welcome back international civil engineer of mystery Richard Shimell for this game. He’ll line up at the back alongside Shane Siberry, fresh from his new sponsorship deal with Puma which was signed this week. Thirty seconds into the game and it’s absolutely f**king dire, you’re all so naive. Tom stop shouting at me you f***er. Whoever’s calling the shorts, we’ve not had a shot yet so you need to sort that out. Dan, good goal even if you don’t remember scoring it. Here’s another short, oh for f**ks sake have a shot, never mind that we scored it. Finally, a goal worthy of description, my deflection slamming the backboard, although Shimmel’s cross left me too much to do and that defender 10 yards away tried to trip me up. Chris can make it 4-1 here…oh that’s dick of the day that is. Lifts it over the keeper but hits the outside of the post with the goal gaping. Let’s conveniently forget about the fact that I pushed the ball into the keeper’s face rather than go round him when I was one on one. Look at that Old Georgian’s idiot getting sent off for calling the umpire a c**t. You’d never catch me doing that. Anyway, 3-1, job done, but it was f**king sh*te.”
Well that’s all we have time for this week. There’s just time to leave you with the winner of January’s goal of the month competition. The panel of expert judges picked out this classic Wilson goal, prodding home a stationary ball on the goal line. Good night.
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